In early February, I went into the hospital while simultaneously, my sister started to lose her battle with ALS. I tried every way humanly possible to leave the hospital so that I could see her before she left us, but my sister did me one better. She waited patiently for me to have the surgery that would save my life before making her graceful exit. The day I left the hospital I rushed to see her only to find out she had passed away just recently. She was a brat to the end. Many things had changed when I woke up from surgery. I had a huge scar on my chest that looked like I had gotten into a knife fight with a man with a machete and lost, and my view on life had drastically changed. Things further changed when I left the hospital and found my sister gone.
My sister and I are 14 years apart, I’m adopted, and we still managed to share the same birthday. I tried to not be angry that ALS had taken her from me, but with a slow recovery laid out before me and nothing but time to sit and think, the task seemed daunting. That’s when my husband asked me what I was going to do with myself now that I had a new lease on life. I thought about it, and started making a list of all the things I wanted to do. So, now I had my list, but I was still angry because of all the things my sister would never get to do. The more I thought about it, the worse it was for me to be happy about surviving when my sister did not. Then I decided that although she wasn’t here physically anymore she was still here with me, and she may not have a say what’s on my list, but she could certainly do the things on my list with me.
This blog was started because of my sister. It’s really for me and my sister. I know she doesn’t need it, but I’m not ready to let go of her just yet. Maybe by the time we’re done with my list I’ll finally be able to face the fact that she is gone. Until then, I’m going to keep adding to that list.