Inspiration exercise videos are dangerous

I watched an inspirational exercise video. You know, hoping it would give me inspiration to do more with my gooey body yesterday than just sit on this couch eating Domino’s pizza. I kind of wish I hadn’t watched it.

flying push up
What is this? Who are you, sir? What kind of super hero are you? I’m wholeheartedly impressed. In the corners of my mind I think I could do this kind of thing if I really, really focused…but we all know that’s just not true. (this is basically what that lady was doing)

The woman in the video did some kind of super human feat that I can only say would literally break my vagina. It was dangerous, and should have had a disclaimer at the beginning that no mere mortal should try it as she was super human.  I watched it several times. Every time, mesmerized by how effortlessly she sprang into the air from a push up position, crossed her arms midair while doing a spread eagle, and then gracefully catching herself before she fell to the floor. If I did that, and managed to get my chubby little body more than the regular arm’s length away from the floor, and into the air, my descent would not be graceful.

It would be vagina shattering.

                                      parks and recs

It would be what a wrestler would call a vagina mangler, or a cush crusher. I could see it now, it would the death blow to all other lady wrestlers. “The Dominatrix has Candace the Candy Striper in a choke hold”.

“Yes, I think she is going for her patented cush crusher….OOOOOH! Candace is going to feel that one tomorrow”.  “Heh, heh, I’d like to be the doctor making that cast”.

Honestly, I love watching the inspirational exercise videos, preferably with food, because I love seeing what the human body is capable of. Not exactly MY body, but the human body in general. It’s nice to see. It makes me smile while I’m struggling to do squats.

I have a life goal. My life goal is to be able to do one pull up. Whether or not I’ll ever be able to do that is anybody’s guess, but watching the inspirational exercise videos where people are doing crazy super human things makes me feel like it’s possible even when I can’t lift the empty bar from the bench press.

liz lemon

*Holla, Candace! Thank you for posting that video and giving me the inspiration for this post.

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8 thoughts on “Inspiration exercise videos are dangerous

  1. Cindy Lou Lebeau October 9, 2015 / 2:25 am

    Richard muthafuckin’ Simmons! Sweating to the oldies is the best inspirational dvd i own!

    Liked by 1 person

    • wendyblack1 October 9, 2015 / 2:27 am

      Lol, I remember watching those as a kid. Apparently I’m an inspirational exercise video addict since birth.

      Like

  2. allthoughtswork October 9, 2015 / 2:43 am

    That first exercise is worthless, anyway, unless you are trapped between large bodies during an orgy. So….

    Liked by 1 person

    • wendyblack1 October 9, 2015 / 2:47 am

      LOL! I would need to stretch for regardless. I’d pull something. Probably my vagina.

      Like

      • allthoughtswork October 9, 2015 / 2:49 am

        Yeah, come to think of it, changing partners during orgies would probably constitute as interval training.

        Liked by 1 person

      • wendyblack1 October 9, 2015 / 2:55 am

        Does the same etiquette apply? Do you still have to wipe down all the “equipment” once you’re done with it?

        Like

      • allthoughtswork October 9, 2015 / 3:04 am

        The next time you’re in a gym and you want to laugh hysterically in front of a bunch of strangers, read the instructions for use of each machine as the instructions for sex. You’ll get a great ab workout.

        1. Do not use equipment if it is damaged or there are any parts missing.

        2. Children under 14 should be supervised at all times while using this equipment.

        3. Maintain proper posture and use slow, controlled movements.

        4. If you have any questions, have a staff member demonstrate how to use this equipment first.

        5. Do not use equipment for anything other than its intended use.

        6. Equipment should be properly oiled, cleaned, and maintained on a weekly basis.

        Liked by 1 person

      • wendyblack1 October 9, 2015 / 3:24 am

        Yes (nods head) I like this very much.

        Like

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