I cope with my problems by hiding in the closet

I’ve been in my closet all day. No, I haven’t been trying to find the perfect outfit so’s I can pitch woo at my husband.
I have been avoiding life.

closet

It’s nice in here. I might live here I think. I’ve already dragged everything I could possibly need inside here. A pillow, booze, flashlight, romance novel filthy enough to melt my face off, and my computer. I am typing this from my closet right now actually. People are living in tiny houses now, so me living in my closet isn’t so weird. It’s like tiny house inception. A tiny house within a regular house. All I need now is a composting toilet and I’m set.

It’s big enough in here for visitors. Other people with debilitating anxiety are welcome. We’ll sit and panic together like a couple of sweaty, paranoid nerds. Don’t worry, it’s dark in here. No one will see you binge eat Oreos, and cry over having to go outside today.

Things I did/didn’t do today (thank you anxiety):

I did not make any of the phone calls that I’ve had to make for the past week and a half because it involved talking to people I didn’t know. My luck, they would spread rumors about my gross personality, and it would somehow end up on Twitter and Tumblr as some kind of stalkerish gross lady meme. All because I just had to pick up the damn phone. No way, man. I know a trap when I imagine one.

I got out of the checkout line at the grocery store because I had too many things in my basket, and the lady behind me had fewer things than me. I was sure she was secretly wishing I would go die, or at the very least wondering why I was buying so much crap. I just went to a different checker who had no customers. Of course, I was sweaty and beet red by then, so the checker stared at me like I was insane. I just acted like I was super fit, and had been at the gym. I think it worked. I did run away once I had all of my groceries.

I had decided the money I gave my son this morning was somehow counterfeit, and all day long I waited for the phone call from him.
“Hey, mom I need you to come up to the school. I’m in the principal’s office, and he says you’re a criminal. Why, mom”?
In this morbid fantasy I’d get there, and it would be an ambush. Cops would pop out from everywhere, and karate kick me in the gut. I’d get tasered until I peed my pants, and I’d be on YouTube as the Counterfeit Mom. It would get 3 billion hits, my family would be shamed, and I’d got to prison in Siberia where they only have out of date Ladies Home Journal to read.

As you can see I have surrendered for the day, and crawled into the safety of my closet. I’m going to stay here until my husband gets home, and forces me out.
I’m sitting where his shoes go.

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14 thoughts on “I cope with my problems by hiding in the closet

  1. Erin S. Burns September 25, 2015 / 1:06 am

    Yeah, some days are like that. The only thing that saves me from hiding in my closet all day long is the fact that it isn’t climate controlled.

    Feel better soon, but don’t binge eat enormous quantities of tiramisu, that only makes it worse.

    Liked by 1 person

    • wendyblack1 September 25, 2015 / 1:15 am

      I didn’t have a tiramisu. I only had a tiny amount of chips.

      Like

      • Erin S. Burns September 25, 2015 / 1:16 am

        It’s for the best. I did that once and thought I’d die. Turns out that’s a ton of espresso.

        Liked by 2 people

      • wendyblack1 September 25, 2015 / 6:28 am

        I used to drink tea while panicking not realizing the tea was making it worse. I switched to water when I am full on crazy balls. It helps. Also, I’m full of water.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Cindy Lou Lebeau September 25, 2015 / 4:54 am

    The closet is a good idea! I never would have thought of that!

    Liked by 2 people

    • wendyblack1 September 25, 2015 / 5:12 am

      It’s my go to spot. I don’t close the door, but I do get in there and just chill out. I take all of my important things in with me.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Amanda September 25, 2015 / 10:45 am

        Biggest perk of living with the boyfriend is his closet is perfect for hiding in. And it has an outlet so I can stay fully charged lol.

        Liked by 3 people

      • wendyblack1 September 25, 2015 / 1:41 pm

        DAMN IT! You’re living the dream. Living the dream.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. April Holland Mullins September 25, 2015 / 12:03 pm

    When I was pregnant with Holly I had a full on melt down and hid in the closet. I was mad at Michael so I found the ugly mustard brown shirt he would always wear to do yard work that apparently I hated because it felt so good to tear it to shreds with my bare hands. Like a little kid, I hid the evidence and later Michael found it and we had a big laugh about my crazies. I still love the closet, I always think about lying down in there…its like the quietest place in the house and the sound is muffled from all the clothes. What stops me is that I’m afraid bugs are going to get me in there. Maybe if I could put a cot in there and get me off the ground….

    Liked by 3 people

    • wendyblack1 September 25, 2015 / 1:47 pm

      That’s hilarious! When I’m in full on crazy mode I even freak out about bugs crawling into my ears while I sleep and wrap my arms around my head.

      Like

  4. Lesley September 30, 2015 / 4:11 am

    Im not the only one with anxiety!?!?!? Is this why I dream of tiny houses? I have always said i could live in a hole. You know like a bugs bunny kind of hole. Have a bed and everything. A treehouse would be cool.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. wendyblack1 September 30, 2015 / 1:01 pm

    You know, it’s funny because we are building a house, and everyone that has looked at our house plan has commented on how small it is. Then they’ve asked us “don’t you want to entertain”? Doug’s response is the best. “No, we don’t encourage that sort of thing at our house”. We love tiny houses, and if we could find one that wouldn’t drive our kids up the wall, and essentially drive us up the wall because of that, we’d be building a tiny house. We love them, but the kids do not. I don’t like big giant houses. They scare me. Anyone could be living in those extra rooms. You don’t know. You could have squatters.

    Like

    • Amanda September 30, 2015 / 3:10 pm

      This is the dream! a tiny house where everything has its place and it snug like the whole house is giving you a hug.

      Liked by 1 person

      • wendyblack1 October 1, 2015 / 1:42 am

        That’s what I wanted, but we compromised. Now it’s going to be more like one of those loose, side hugs you give people you don’t want touching your boobs.

        Like

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