It’s only been three days since our school let out for summer, and I have been eating snack cakes, and drinking like it’s the middle of summer already. I have no motivation to do anything other than eat swiss rolls, and think of ways to sabotage my imaginary bikini body.
I haven’t worn a bikini since the summer of 1999.
My body would probably repel a bikini if I tried to put one on. I’m not about those. I like the idea of those loose one piece jobs that cover everything from top to bottom obscuring whether the wearer is male or female. I’d wear that. I’d wear that so hard. Probably sleep in it too. Like a snuggie. Unnf.
I bought myself Outlander the other day after the urging of a close friend, and I’ve fallen into a deep Jamie Fraser hole like any normal lady with functioning ovaries. Yes, I fall in love with fictional characters. Don’t look at me like that, I also recently fell in love with swiss rolls. If I’m being honest I love the swiss rolls a little bit more. I’m not sure how I’m going to survive the summer with the way I’m going. At this rate I’m going to eat myself into a small swiss roll coma. I don’t know, maybe someone will take pity on me, and hold a swiss roll intervention and save me.
Maybe I’ll eat all the swiss rolls quickly just in case someone is thinking about it.