Swiss Roll intervention and Outlander fever

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It’s only been three days since our school let out for summer, and I have been eating snack cakes, and drinking like it’s the middle of summer already. I have no motivation to do anything other than eat swiss rolls, and think of ways to sabotage my imaginary bikini body.

I haven’t worn a bikini since the summer of 1999.

My body would probably repel a bikini if I tried to put one on. I’m not about those. I like the idea of those loose one piece jobs that cover everything from top to bottom obscuring whether the wearer is male or female. I’d wear that. I’d wear that so hard. Probably sleep in it too. Like a snuggie. Unnf.

I bought myself Outlander the other day after the urging of a close friend, and I’ve fallen into a deep Jamie Fraser hole like any normal lady with functioning ovaries. Yes, I fall in love with fictional characters. Don’t look at me like that, I also recently fell in love with swiss rolls.  If I’m being honest I love the swiss rolls a little bit more. I’m not sure how I’m going to survive the summer with the way I’m going. At this rate I’m going to eat myself into a small swiss roll coma. I don’t know, maybe someone will take pity on me, and hold a swiss roll intervention and save me.

Maybe I’ll eat all the swiss rolls quickly just in case someone is thinking about it.

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7 thoughts on “Swiss Roll intervention and Outlander fever

  1. Erin Burns May 30, 2015 / 2:17 am

    Did you know you can still but bathing costumes? Seriously.

    http://www.ladiesemporium.com/store/vict_ladies_20.php

    As for the Jamie Frasier hole, that’s one I’ve managed to avoid by dint of my general abhorrence of time travel romance, excepting of course Linda Howard’s Son of the Morning.

    I can’t help you with the Swiss Rolls issue though, I’m too entrenched into my love affair with butter.

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    • wendyblack1 May 30, 2015 / 2:22 am

      HA HA HA! I used to have a serious obsession with cream cheese when I was a kid. My mom had to hide it when she would buy it or I would eat it. The whole thing. Just bite into it like a raccoon. I blame Danielle for my Outlander problem. It’s her fault. I don’t think I’ve met a romance novel I didn’t at least give a chance. Well, I take that back. I don’t give poorly written romance novels the time of day. Everything else gets a lookey-loo.

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      • Erin Burns May 30, 2015 / 2:29 am

        Oh, I adore cream cheese too, I don’t take bites off the block though. I slice a chunk off with a butter knife, then eat it off the knife, repeating as needed (or until caught in the act). It’s more lady like or some clap trap. But right now I’m cheating on cream cheese with butter, luscious, melty butter, all dripping off an English muffin.

        I have a few things that put me off romance novels, one is the time travel thing because it mostly just doesn’t make sense (the mechanics of it are usually illogical), and infidelity. Come to think of it, that tends to go hand in hand with the time travel aspect, I don’t care if they’re not born yet.

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      • wendyblack1 May 30, 2015 / 2:35 am

        I guess I don’t mind in Outlander because I hate her husband, the first one. (lol) He grates on my nerves, and sends up unfaithful flags all over the place.
        I was seriously l like a raccoon as a child. I would eat anything and everything in the fridge. I could not be stopped. I would even eat things that weren’t meant to be eaten. I once ate beans that gave everyone else food poisoning. I was completely fine.

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  2. Danielle May 30, 2015 / 2:26 am

    Back off! James Alexander Malcolm McKenzie Fraser is mine! Although, I’ll trade you the sequel for a Swiss roll…..

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    • wendyblack1 May 30, 2015 / 2:28 am

      I don’t know, these sexy swiss rolls are pretty tasty, and I do have a full stable of sexy fictional men as it is. I think you’ve overplayed yo hand, sucka! HA!

      Like

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